November 29, 2011

Back in the Saddle!

Ok, some of you may have noticed I've been gone, and some may have guessed that the reason was because the newest member of our family has arrived.  You are correct!

Introducing Alexander Louis -

He is two months old now and I feel like I am just now getting my head above water.  FYI, babies are HARD work.  I wasn't able to even think about Dexter for the first month or so.  Now things are settling in and I've gotten to ride a few times.  Dexter has picked up right where we left off, maybe even a little better.  I on the other hand have completely forgotten how to ride.  I fall all over the place.  Poor Dexter tries to keep up, he stops or slows down every time I start to loose my balance.  It makes for quite an interesting ride. 

I've finally realized I won't be able to keep up my normal routine now that I have Alex.  I was hoping to find a day care open late enough that would still allow me to ride after work.  But reality has struck and a) there are not day cares open that late, and b) I realize that won't leave me much time to spend with Alex in the evening, and before he arrived I didn't really care about that, now I do.  I'm thinking I'll have the weekends and maybe one or 2 days a week I can swing it to go out and ride, not exactly the competition schedule I was working on last year (before I got pregnant), but we will have to make it work.  I am committed to continue riding as it is the only thing that makes me feel like me. 

Dexter meeting his new little brother.
A quick work on motherhood - I mentioned a few times my trepidation with becoming a mom before Alex arrived.  I've never felt like a mom nor have I had the desire to become one.  Everyone reassured me that I would magically fall in love with him as soon as he arrived.  This was not exactly true.  It is hard to love something that demands so much and returns so little regarding emotions.  I'm not saying I hated him, but I wasn't head over heals either.  For the first 6 weeks or so he was simply "my responsibility".  It was my job to keep him alive and happy.  I had a strong deidcation to him, but no emotional attachment.Then as he started to get a personality I started to bond a little more.  Now I do love him and enjoy the time we spend together.  I still enjoy my time away as well.  I don't feel defined as a mother, I am still me, I just now have an new characteristic to add to my identity.  Not sure why I felt compelled to add this to the blog, maybe because the "non"motherly are so under represented.  Everyone seems to think once you have a child you are a mom and that's it, that's all you want to talk about.  And I want to represent those who still want to be seen as an individual, not just "Alex's mom".