Dear Dexter

Dear Dexter,

Thank you for being patient while our riding time has been put on hold.  Thank you for continuing to get excited the few times I come out.  Our visits have become very special to me, even if its a few minutes to check you over and give you treats.  Somehow your soft nose and warm body have a way of grounding me.  Reminding me that even though times are stressful now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and as long as I have you, I have some serenity in my life. 

Thank you for taking care of me as we start to ride together again.  For slowing down when you feel me loose my balance, and for picking up right where you left off even if I have a long way to go.  I appreciate that you did not forget you were a working horse and never offered to buck (yet) during these first few rides. 

Thank you for keeping your canter slow even on the straight aways.  I promise we will graduate out of the small pen and into the pasture soon.  The small pen is more for me than you.  I still need the security of it.  And thank you for pushing though with me as I try to get us both back in shape.  I know you've enjoyed your time off, but I can tell you are happy to go back to work.  And I can say I am happy to be working with you again. 

I know right now with the weather, and the baby and work we dont' see each other much.  I promise as Alex gets older and the weather gets warmer we will see more of each other, to be honest not as much as we used to, but we will make it work.  We will still ride and learn and show, I won't let all our hard work, your work ethic and talent go to waste... I promise.

A One-Horse Woman

I've always been a one-horse woman, well one at a time anyways.  I've noticed on a lot of the blogs I read many of you are fortunate to have several horses.  And I started to think about it - "If I could afford it, would I want more than one horse?"

In short, if I had no job but infinite income, yes, probably 4.  A dressage schoolmaster, a dressage horse in training, a fun little jumper to take on hunter paces, and a good solid western pleasure/trail horse.

But I don't have infinite income, and in order to get the income I have, I have to work at least 40 hrs a week, so no, I don't think I would want another horse.  Because in all honesty, we could afford another horse, and I often find myself looking for one that's affordable and just needs some work.  Then I think about Dexter and how that would affect his training.  How his progress would slow as I shifted my attention and I quickly change my mind.  I only have so much time I can devote to my horse weekly.  That's usually 1-2 hrs a day, 4-5 times a week (when the weather cooperates).  So that would be 2-3 rides a week maybe less if I had 2 horses. Doesn't seem fair for the horse, he would never get a chance to really have a routine and progress.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I am the only person who rides my horse, partly because I like it that way and partly because I live out in the middle of nowhere, where the closest dressage trainer is 50 miles away.  So even if I decided to get another horse and have a trainer help me out, or another rider, I couldn't.

All this is just my logical reasoning as to why I couldn't get a 2nd horse.  The other part its that its just how I grew up.  I was only allowed to look for another horse once mine was sold.  I always only had one horse, my friends always only had one horse, so I just thought everyone only had one horse.  By the time I found out there was another option, it was too late, it was ingrained. 

I think having more than one horse would be like having more than one boyfriend (or girlfriend - lets not forget the mares).  I'd have to split my time and affection with both of them.  And God forbid I start to prefer one over the other, I would feel so guilty.  (Can you tell I don't have kids).

It probably also doesn't help that I currently board with a woman who has 4-5 horses in different stages of training.  She also has a regular job so I see her work on one for several months just to put it out to pasture for 6 months while she works on the others. 

But obviously it can be done.  So many people seem to be fortunate enough to have the time and finances to work with several horses at once. I'm curious how you all handle it.   How you do it with a full time job?  Do you ever worry about how much time you spend with each of them?  Do you ever feel guilty if one starts outshining the other?  How did you decide it was time to buy another horse?

While I think I will always be a one horse woman, unless I win the lottery, I certainly don't think that is the only option.  I applaud those of you who have time time, talent and resources to have several of these amazing animals in your life. 

Stop and Smell the Horses

I love the smell of a horse.

I don't think you will find many riders who disagree.  I don't particularly love the smell of my cat, or my dog, or even my husband after a hot day, but I always love the smell of my horse.  It doesn't matter if its after a bath, when he's sweaty, or cold and fuzzy.  I'm not sure why, ask any non-horsey person, its not a very pleasant smell.  It got that dirty, musty, grassy smell with just a hint of ammonia or poo depending on what they rolled in that day.  I don't stick my head in my cats litter box and say "yeah, that's the ticket."  But on my horse nestled in the fur and mane, it's heaven.  Almost therapeutic.  I don't know why, I can only imagine that I now associate that aroma with so many happy memories and moments that my brain automatically reassigned it from "horse smell = poo" to "horse smell = good, safe, & happy."

All I know is that any time I'm stressed over a life event or am in a particularly bad mood, I try to stop by the barn (even if just to feed) and bury my head in Dexter's neck and take a big whiff.  I'm not afraid to admit it, and I know it sounds weird, but it works.  It melts the stress, it calms me down and it just makes me content.  I've always loved the smell of a barn and horses but this habit is a new one.  Maybe it's because I don't always have time to ride and when I go out to feed Dexter I get whatever I can.

The interesting thing is that my husband (a non-horsey person) has started to like the smell.  I'll come home and he'll say:
"You smell like a horse."
me - "I'm sorry."
"It's OK, it smells good." 

The only thing I can figure is that his brain is making the same reassignment mine did.  Only for him it is because I'm in a better mood when I come home smelling like a horse (horse smell = happy wife).  I've already shed the stresses from the day and am re-energized.  I doubt he would agree with me if he shoved his head into Dexter's mane and took a big whiff.  But the fact that my horse smell is pleasant to him makes me happy.

So I suggest to those of you who love horses and get excited when you get to the barn and catch a hint of that familiar smell, try just sitting ans smelling your horse.  (Try to stay near the front end, a little too much poo smell can probably spoil the experience.)  It may be helpful being that in the winter months its hard to get a ride in.  I'm not saying its going to be a cathartic or religious experience, it may just smell like a horse to you.  But for me, its one of the sweetest smells I know.

Why do I ride?

I ride because:

• I enjoy being outside.
• I love animals.
• I am good at it (I think).
• I enjoy the challenge of influencing such a huge animal in a positive way.
• when I'm on a horse, I am not able to think of anything but him and me and what we are doing at that exact moment.
• it teaches me things about myself I wouldn't have realized otherwise.
• it humbles me when I need a reality check.
• it gives me confidence in myself.
• it makes me think and analyze and use my brain.
• it is an excellent lesson in patience (something I need more of in my non-horsey world).
• the sense of harmony is inspiring and special to me.
• when we both get it right, even for a single stride I get an amazing sense of accomplishment. 
• I love learning new things and there is always something new to learn.
• horses smell good.
• it makes me happy.
• it makes me whole.
• every once in a while my horse does something that makes me crack up.
• my horses often do something that makes me grateful they allow me to share part of their world.
• it gives me a sense of purpose.
• the devotion between horse and rider is unique and hard to find anywhere else.
• somewhere along the way it became who I am.... I ride because I ride.

Quick fun with Paint!

Here is something I was playing around with today.  I decided to make a cartoon of my L.E. (Mostly because she had the biggest head shot.)  Please keep in mind I am not a creative person.  I am a mechanical engineer by training and a manager by profession. 

I Got One Ride In!

To my delight my family was willing to let me sneak away for a ride.  My brother and his wife brought my 10 month old nice out to meet Dexter then left me to ride.  It was windy and short (30 minutes) but it was just enough to fill my cup.
I would have ridden longer but the cool weather was blowing up the skirts of the horses in the pasture I was riding in.  It’s hard for Dexter to concentrate when 6 horses are galloping past him every 5 minutes.  So we cut our losses and gave Dexter big pats for not joining the herd.  I’ve learned that pushing my luck usually ends up with me on the ground.  And he was very calm in the middle of it all so he deserved a break.
 

So, I’m glad I got to ride, being that I didn’t expect to at all.  Thanks Family!

Family, Horses, and Turkey…oh my!

I have taken on the task of hosting Thanksgiving this year.  Which means cramming my family in my house, teaching the dog that babies aren’t toys, pretending to learn how to cook a turkey and trying to find time to sneak away to see Dexter.  I love my family, they have always been super supportive of my riding, even when they don’t totally get it.  But they try to stay involved, when they come to visit they say they want to see the horse.  I bring them out and they watch me ride, but I know it can’t be that exciting.  Watching dressage at anything but the highest levels, even to those of us who live and dream it, can be a little boring.  So I imagine watching me go round and round in circles as we try to perfect the shoulder-fore can get a little dry.

So when I notice my dad getting more interested in the geese than the horse I try to wrap it up.   And we end up with a short slightly un-fulfilling ride.  How do I balance?  I want to ride this weekend, in fact I think it would benefit all as it would keep me from completely loosing my mind.  But how do I justify leaving my guests for 2+ hours for some “me” time.  I thought a good balance would be to invite them along, but I see now, that won’t allow me to do what I want/need to.  Which is seriously ride Dexter and work on our progress.  Instead it will be me riding a 20 meter circle stopping ever other circle to say “What?” because people forget when you are on a horse there is constant wind.   I start to feel bad as I imagine people are getting bored so I cut the ride shore before I’ve really re-centered myself.  The time I spend riding ist the time I get re-focused and re-energize.  I use it to erase all the petty thing s that happened that day (which can increase around the holidays) and direct all my energy to my equine partner.  Riding makes me a better, calmer person, but riding distracted, not so much.

I have no children, but imagine once I do this dilemma will be a daily occurrence instead of annually.  My husband is very supportive and honest about my riding.  He has no problem with the time I spend at the barn as long as I don’t drag him out there with me.  And that works for me.

So what do I do?  Seriously?  I know there are busier people out there who handle this kind of time commitment.. .what do I do?

Honestly… I’ll get over it.  I’m just having a moment of self-pity… poor Kelly can’t ride her horse for 4 days.

My parents came out yesterday and I rode as long as I could knowing it was getting colder and while I was  working up a sweat my Floridian parents were freezing. I know I’ll have to bring my brother and his wife out to meet Dexter and probably won’t ride then, just lots of pets and treats for Dexter.    I have the excuse that the barn owner is away so I at least have to come out once a day to check on him and feed him (and just sit and smell him for a minute).  Riding will probably be out, which sucks as I watch the days get shorted and colder knowing I will soon have to go weeks without.  But, I’ll live, Dexter will live and Sunday once everyone is dropped off at the airport me and Dexter have a date.  My husband will probably need a nap anyways.

What would you like to do?

Once I had my first horse and was firmly planted at Carol’s barn I joined Pony Club with my friends.  I loved Pony Club, it was like Girl Scouts but more fun.   My first horse, Bee Bop enjoyed it as well.  He happily plugged along whether it was over jumps or around a training level test.  We competed in the rallies and did well.  I enjoyed the dressage aspect more than most of the kids, but still loved jumping.  We used to go over jumps with our hands stretched out at our sides like we were flying, and to a little girl it’s about as close as you can get.

Then Bee Bop’s attitude started changing, he started to refuse jumps, and in general become less cooperative when we moved from the dressage ring to the jumping field (we practiced both every lesson).  The less cooperative over jumps he got the more time we spent in the dressage ring.  We later found out Bee Bop had navicular.  As we tried to fix him, jumping was out so we became a dressage team.  Eventually we realized he wasn’t up for that either and he was sadly re-homed to someone who was happy riding him out on the trails.  Bee Bop tried his hardest but he let us know he couldn’t handle it any more.



Enter L.E. – my new Pony Club horse!  Or so I thought.  She jumped just fine but she hated it!  And she let you know.  Because we had issues with our last horse we made sure she had no soundness issues, she just didn’t want to jump.  Like I said, she’d do it because I asked but she’d throw her opinion in with a little buck or grinding of her teeth (that was her favorite form of expression).  And who wants to make a horse do something they don’t want to do, so we ended up spending more time in the dressage ring (again).  The more I rode dressage the more I realized I enjoyed it more than jumping anyways.  It was technical and very detail oriented (not that jumping isn’t, but I was able to grasp dressage’s nuances better).  So L.E. made me a dressage rider, and a relatively good one at that.  We still would hack around every now and then for fun, but we never really competed L.E. in the jumping arena.  And because of that we kind of faded away from the Pony Club world and into the USDF world.

So after L.E. I decided I was a dressage rider and my next horse would be a dressage horse.  Afer a 10 year hiatus from riding I got my dressage horse… Gunner.  I had Gunner for over a year riding circles and serpentines and leg yielding before I got the nerve to hop him over a small jump.  He did it perfectly, he didn’t rush, he didn’t get nervous, and he seemed to get excited about it.  So I started jumping Gunner more, I wasn’t a complete fan, and it made me nervous at times, but I could tell it piqued his interest, so I made sure we found time to doe it every couple of rides.  Gunner also liked to get out of the arena and run in the field, he was a thoroughbred after all.  Especially when I let him stop and smell every pile of poo in the pasture as we cooled down.   And when it came time to sell Gunner I was happy to know he’d be going to a couple of girls who loved to jump.

I’m still figuring out what Dexter likes to do.  So far I know he doesn’t like to ride in the indoor, or in the small arena, he likes the big field.  And he doesn’t like to ride in the wind.  He seems to enjoy his dressage work and really loves his lessons (except at the end when he gets tired).  I’m learning to read him better, for instance I’ve noticed he starts to chomp his mouth when he gets frustrated or doesn’t like what we are doing.  He used to do it all time, when he’d totally avoid the bit and thought he had to hold his nose to his chest the entire ride.  We have since invited him out to the bit and he’s much happier, unless I fuss with him to  much.  But there are some days when Dexter doesn’t feel like working, and I get it, there are days when I don’t feel like riding.  Those days  we do minimal work (or none at all) and just walk around and watch the horses across the street.  I know that tomorrow he will be in a better mood and we will still get our work done, together.

Horses are amazing animals, the do so much for us and ask for little in return.  So when possible I try to remember to ask “What would you like to do?” and see what kind of things make them happy.  Sometimes its flat work, sometimes it’s jumping and sometimes it’s meandering around a big pasture with no agenda what so ever.  Sure there are times when you have to buckle down when they aren’t particularly in the mood, say on a cold or rainy day, but in general a happy horse is way more fun to ride.  So whenever possible I try to listen to what my horse is saying, and find a happy medium.  There is no law that states a horse has to do what I want him to.  So I am grateful for every good ride I have and learn from every bad one.  People might think I’m being to soft and developing a spoiled horse.  I don’t think so, we still ride regularly and are training and accomplishing amazing things.  We are just optimizing our results by doing it when we are both tuned in to the goal.  And others might say I’m silly to think the horse wants me to ride him ever… maybe so.  All I know is Dexter still greets me at the gate every day, and follows me out to the field. It may be true that riding isn’t his favorite pastime, but I like to think spending time with me is and he knows to do so, some work has to be done.

It’s often hard to know exactly what a horse is going to be good at when you are first purchasing them, so its good to keep an open mind.  Know that you are purchasing a good solid partner and find out what you both enjoy doing.  I’ve found that ultimately equals what you both will be best at.  And try to ask “What would you like to do today?” every now and then.  I know Dexter likes dressage but doesn’t want to do it everyday. I’m guessing even some of the best jumpers might enjoy a  swim in the local pond every now and then.

Dexter - You're a Genious.

Or our new trainer is anyways.   I’ve talked about the importance or a good trainer in a previous blog and am glad that I’ve found one out here in Colorado.  I would ride with Carol forever but seeing as she is in Florida, that just doesn’t seem practical.

My new trainer is smart, fun and always super positive, she makes learning so much fun.  I was working with Dexter by myself for a while and was starting to get frustrated as I had exhausted all my horse knowledge and he still avoided the bit.

So we broke down and started taking lessons (I always enjoyed lessons and had planned on doing so anyways).  And in a few short months he is not only not avoiding the bit, he is seeking the contact.  We learn something new every lesson.  I say we because sometimes we are teaching Dexter and sometimes we are teaching me, and its so fun to see that when I move my seat just a little his whole frame changes.  The connection between horse and rider is so amazing.  It sometimes hard to remember that even with the saddle between you two, they can still feel every weight shift, every pause, every breath.  And they are constantly listening and tuned in.

So I say Dexter is a genius because we’ve had so many special moments where everything clicks and you can tell he gets it… “Oh that’s what you want me to do.”  As I smile and pat him and say “Good boy, you did that perfectly!”  But I know my trainer deserves a lot of the credit, we can’t have “Ah-ha” moments without someone telling us how to get there.  And she’s so great in that she doesn’t get discouraged or upset when it takes us a bit longer.  Theres not “asking harder” just “keep asking” and when he gets it, praise him and reward him.  “Dexter you’re a genius… have cookie!”

So with my super intelligent horse and super confident trainer we have taken Dexter from a horse heavy on the forehand, that avoids the bit and drags himself around at the canter, to a horse reaching for the bit, pushing up in the canter, and for a moment last week, has cadence at the trot.  And the most satisfying part is my trainer has let me do all the work.  She has not ridden or lunged Dexter once, just taught and explained to me what I need to do to get it done, so I know what the aides are and I know how it feels.

It feels Great!  This is why I ride, to feel that connection with the animal and work together to achieve a goal.  I love dressage because it focuses on the harmony and the relationship between horse and rider.  There is no making a horse do anything, you can only ask.  And every time Dexter lets me get on and work with him, I thank him.  And when I see how hard he tries and how satisfied he looks when he knows he got it right, I feel so grateful to have such a willing partner.  And when we have those moments where I figure out how to ask and he figures out the answer, those moments are where I’m awestruck at how amazing the horse and rider partnership really is.  To be able to communicate on that level with an animal of such power…. I have no words.

Another Spook?

Not us, but close to what we looked like.

He did it again!!  Me and Dexter were out riding yesterday evening and he was lazy the entire ride.  I don’t mind, he still gets his work done, just needs more convincing on some days.  And in fact he had a really good ride.  His canter work was more up than out and you could tell he was starting to get the whole collection thing and realizing the canter is nothing to stress about (something I have been trying to convince him of for months.)

 

So at the end of the ride, it was that time just before sunset where the wind stops blowing and everything is super quiet… remember that.. quiet.  I was walking him around the pasture with a loose rein allowing him to cool off and relax, and allowing myself, admittedly to start spacing out a little.  The next thing I know we’ve turned 90 degrees towards the barn and are 10 feet from where we were.  Dexter had spooked, again, at apparently nothing, again and was trying to take off.  As I scrambled to gather my reins and balance I was glad to see the standing martingale I had decided to ride in was doing its job.  It had distracted Dexter just enough to keep him for taking off completely and kept him just out of reach of locking his neck up so when I did find my reins I was able to turn him around and get him back in control. 

 

In general I am a minimalist when it comes to tack.  Not because I’m against artificial aids, just because its less to worry about and I am admittedly cheap.  But ever since Dexter has tried to make a habit of bolting, I’ve started riding in a standing martingale,  its set pretty loose so he can still stretch and move his head as he needs to.  I have it set just short enough so he can’t snap his head up and lock those massive neck muscles.  The several times he has bolted I’ve found I don’t have the leverage or strength to pull his head around and regain control.  When he’s not running from the devil Dexter has a relatively sensitive mouth and has done well on the french link bit we are working in, so I hate to change to a harsher bit when he does so well in this 99% of the time.  So the martingale seems to be a good compromise.  This was the first time he’s spooked since we started to use it, so I’m glad it worked, otherwise it was a long way back to the barn, in probably a very short time.

 

As to what he is spooking at?  I still have no idea.  Like I said, he was good the entire ride so I’m ruling out the tack.  It was beyond quiet, no birds, cars, wind… nothing.  Maybe a wasp?? Who knows.   I was just getting ready to hop off when he spooked, but since he had to act silly we trotted around the scary spot until he relaxed and then went in.  I had a theory that he did it knowing when he acted stupid I either fell off and he got to go in or I got scared and cut the ride short.  Since this new system has given me a little more confidence we will see if his issues start to decrease

How did you get there??

Ok, so I don’t make it a habit of falling off horses, but in the 20+ years I’ve been riding I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve ended up on the ground a few times.  Most recently with my newest horse, Dexter.  Dexter is a sweet, generally calm hard-working 17H Friesian cross.  99% of the time he just goes about his business, no worries.  But every once in a while he gets the idea that something behind him is going to kill him!

This is multiplied by the fact that he is a big guy and I’m learning my reaction time must get much quicker when the strides get much longer.  By the time I realize I can’t get him to turn and I need to move to plan B we are at the fence and I’m on the ground.  But I’m digressing, the point isn’t why he spooked, or how I ended up on the ground.  The question is, why is it, the instant I hit the ground the magical horse killing gremlin disappears??  And this isn’t something specific to Dexter.  It seems to be common with all my falls, whether they are bucking, refusing or taking off…. quarterhorse, arab, warmblood, all the same…

As soon as I hit the ground, they all stop, and look at me like I;m the idiot for “jumping off”.   They all stop and stare at me like “How did you get down there??” or “What did you do that for? We were just starting to have fun.”  No more snorting, no more breathing fire, some even take the time to start grazing. meanwhile, I’m still trying to figure out what happened, how I ended up there and whether or not I’m mad, scared or just humbled.

I do appreciate the fact that, on top of being battered and bruised, I don’t have to go running after a crazed horse.  But it makes me feel all the more stupid that the crisis is suddenly over once I’m out of the picture…. Am I the horse killing gremlin??  I’d like to think I’m not, at least not every time.  Lets just pretend that they were trying to save me from a horse and rider killing gremlin and they know they can’t go on with out me… yeah, that’s the ticket!

A Mother’s Promise

When I started asking for a pony when I was 5, I would say I was a typical little girl.  When I checked the front door every Christmas/Birthday honestly expecting to see one and quietly cried to myself when I didn’t find it, I would say I crossed a line.  When I turned 7, my mom finally caved, kinda.  She let me start taking  lessons… under one condition, I had to choose between riding lessons or ballet (I had been taking ballet for all of 4 months or so).  Done!  I traded in my tutu for some Wal-Mart cowboy boots.  And even though I didn’t know it at the time, that was the wisest decision my 7-year-old self ever made…. my lack of inner balance and coordination was destined to shatter my Swan Lake dreams.

 

Being practical and knowing the instant I actually sat on a horse I might change my mind, my mom didn’t send me to a fancy barn with fancy horses where we’d be required to buy special shoes, pants, helmets etc.  (don’t’ worry I wear a helmet every time I ride, it was just different back then.)  She managed to find a woman with a few horses and some time to let me come out and ride an hour a week.  I now know I was learning to ride gaited horses, but at the time I was on a horse!  Her name was Jadi! And she was fuzzy!  I loved it.  Even though we mostly walked around in circles and the highlight of the “lesson” was when I got to stand up on the saddle while the horse just stood there, I loved it!

 

So as my mom saw that I in fact was not afraid of these giant creatures and truly did enjoy my time at the barn she made me a promise:

 

“If you keep riding and still like it after 5 years… I will buy you a horse.”

 

Now I don’t know if she thought I’d forget this little promise or she thought I’d grow out of it after a while, but neither happened.  And after 5 years of walking/trotting/racking/whatevering around some woman’s backyard, my 12th birthday fast approached and I reminded my mom of our deal.

 

And she kept her word…. His name was BeeBop and he was beautiful!