Where are all the Cowgirl OB-GYNs?‏

Ok, one of the first things I had to do when I found out I was pregnant was to see how much longer I could ride. I started online - most every site I saw said "no riding" what so ever. Then I got some books and same thing... "too risky". Crap! But why?? At the time the little peanut was no bigger than, well, a peanut. Riding didn't feel uncomfortable or jarring so what's the deal?

Well every site/book usually just had one line or sentence regarding horseback riding and the response was something along the lines of "The risks of falling off or getting kicked while riding a horse is too great to risk. It is not recommended." Well I'm sorry, I need some more information than that. Lets assume I've changed my riding routine so that I'm in a small controlled arena, with a horse I know and can read. In addition I've been riding for over 20 years, and can handle most spooks. I also can read my horse and only ride on days he's mellow and in control. Lets say I've done all these things, weighed the risk of falling or getting kicked and decided I'm willing to take those risks... now what??

I need information on what is going on inside, what kind of forces can the baby/placenta take? I know when I ride I don't feel uncomfortable or jarred, is that enough? I feel like all the advice being dished out is being given by people who don't know a thing about horses or what it means to be a life long equestrian. Its not something we can cast aside so quickly. Give me some options. To simply say I might fall isn't enough, I might get in a car accident too. Does that mean I can't drive? And I trip over my own feet more often than I ever fall off a horse. Can I walk? I know I'm being a smart ass, but its frustrating the lack of knowledgeable advice out there about horses and pregnancy.

I ended up relying on the "expert" comments from life long riders that responded to the advice on some of the sites. And while some decided to stop riding all together, most continued to ride their regular trust worthy mounts. Those who stopped said they stopped due to energy, being uncomfortable, or loss of balance. All sound like reasonable reasons to me. No one said "I stopped when I fell off." Some even said they rode up to 9 months. While I'm not sure I'll be able to make it that far (especially since I understand your abs basically disintegrate) its a little encouraging.

I also talked to my OB-GYN, since I live in a rural area I figured she's dealt with this before. Her advice, keep doing whatever it is I usually do. And if its uncomfortable for me, its uncomfortable for the baby.

So my plan as of now: Keep riding, no sitting trot for a while though. Ride until I feel uncomfortable or not secure. Once we stop riding I'll take that time to work on my long lining skills (currently non-existent) and maybe use the time to introduce Dexter over some jumps via the lunge. But I still plan on working with my horse for as long as I can. Its a stress reliever and I feel that my time with Dexter is good for my mental state which in turn will be good for the baby.

But someone seriously needs to take the time and really explain the potential risk of riding a horse while pregnant, beyond falling off. I think there are enough of us out there to warrant it. And we all want to keep the baby safe, but also know that to not ride for 9 months (plus how every many after) isn't an option. There are enough professional women out there who make this their job, give us some factual medical advice, so we don't have to rely on wives tales and "just do what I did". It would also help to have some facts so I can deal with all the non-horse people in my life looking down on me for putting my un-born child's "life at risk".

As a side observation, I've never bought totally into the fact that horses can read minds and such. But I have to admit, Dexter has become more mellow the more pregnant I get. Maybe he can smell the hormones or something. But even when he does get tense he listens to me a lot better. And when the horses in the pasture act stupid and go galloping across our ring, where he used to spin and join them, he now just turns to see where they are going and stops and picks his head up. He's still nervous, but has a head about him. I don't know why the change, but I certainly do appreciate it. And as I said, as I get bigger the more precautions I'll take, even if it means I have to stay in the small arena for a while.

Judge Me, Please!

Every once and a while my husband tags along to one of my lessons, whether it is because I need help loading Dexter or I want him to film it for me.  When he does tag along he happily sits on the bleachers and listens to and watches my lessons (what a guy, right!?).

After one of my first lessons on Dexter (and one of the first lessons my husband had ever watched) he said "I don't get it, why do you want someone to tell you all the things you are doing wrong?".  I laughed at him and said "How else do you get better at something?"

See, the only lesson my husband has ever had was a ski lesson 3 years ago.  And that was only so he didn't die as he careened down the mountain.  Otherwise he is pretty much self taught on all his hobbies.  He plays 5 or 6 instruments, all self taught.  He works on cars, trial and error but self taught.  Is he doing it technically the right way?  Probably not.  But he hits the notes and gets the job done.  He may work a little harder than someone who was technically trained but I think the fact that he figured it out on his own gives him the biggest sense of accomplishment. 

So when he sees that I can "ride" Dexter just fine (get him to walk, trot, etc.) he doesn't see why I need the lessons, he doesn't question it,, he just doesn't get it.  So I explained to him the nuances of riding, and the fact that the feedback from your horse isn't enough.  If you hit the wrong note on a piano, you can hear it right away, if you aren't queuing a horse right, you may never know.  Unless you are an expert (which I am not) you really need someone on the ground watching your frame and position to tell you exactly when you got it right so you can burn that feeling in your head for the next time. And that's how I think of it, my trainer isn't telling me what I'm doing wrong, she's teaching me how to do it right.  The best way, the most efficient way. 

For me the sense of accomplishment comes from getting it right, not just getting it done.  Every thing I've ever done - track, riding, violin, I've had an expert coaching me, so I'm used to criticism, I thrive on it.  I know I may get a lot of no's and negative criticism in the beginning.  But I know the more I learn and practice, the more rights come along so the lessons become an encouraging positive experience.  A few years ago when I bought Gunner we didn't have access to lessons.  We rode around for years, working on gaits and transitions.  But because no one ever saw us ride I never knew how we were doing.  Granted we didn't show so it didn't matter but I never got the sense of accomplishment I do now. 

And yet another reason why I enjoy dressage.... feedback and criticism.  Every test your ride in front of the judge is scored and commented on.  You don't just get to know if you were better or worse than others in your class, but you get to see the specifics that got you there. You placement in the class becomes secondary to your score, you start competing wiht yourself over everyone else.  The goal is no longer first place but a better score than your last.  You can read what the judges thought and work on that for next time.

 And I get why my husband likes to do things for himself, I get the same feeling when I do things for myself.  For me its the fact that I train all my horses myself. Yes, I have a trainer telling me what to do and how to do it, but I do it.  I prefer to do the work vs letting someone else ride my horse.  It just a personal preference.  I'm sure the horse would progress better and faster with someone else, but the teaching and learning together is what makes it fun for me.

Maybe lessons aren't for everyone.  And maybe some day I will get to a level of riding where I don't need them, but I don't think so.  Unless I am the best at the highest level (highly unlikely to happen) I figure there is always someone better than me I can learn from.  So thank you to all the excellent, positive trainers, teachers, and judges out there.  We may not always like what we hear, but as long as we listen and learn, we will always like the results.

Who Do You Trust?

A few weeks back I let a friend of mine ride Dexter, I realized it was the first time I had let anyone else ride him since I got him 10 months ago.  It wasn't intentional, I just board at a barn with only 3 other riders including the owner and they all ride western so they have no real interest in him.  Anyway, it was the owner of the barn who rode him.  She rides and trains horses for western and trail riding.  Her forte is getting them broke and obedient, she doesn't focus on the finer points of carriage, etc.  Which is probably why she doesn't understand why I'm taking lessons when I can "clearly ride" and my horse is "broke".  Anyway, I respect her as a rider and had no issues with letting her ride him, I've been asking her to for a while.  So we threw a western saddle on him, I made sure he wasn't going to do anything funny with it on, and she hopped on.

 

I was a mess the entire time.... she immediately cranked his head to his chest (something I've been trying to correct for 10 months).  Was running him in circles swearing he was heaving on the bit.  And cantering him around at more of a hand gallop with his head in the air (the only time it wasn't at his chest).  When she was done she began to tell me all the things I should do to fix him, we won't go into how I felt about that right now.  (Everyone has an opinion and I respect that, but wait until I ask for it.  I don't tell you how to get a better roll-back).  Then said how fun he was to ride.

 

As she was riding I tried my best to keep as quiet as possible but couldn't help yelling out bits of advise here and there.  Who am I to tell her what to do, she has been riding a lot longer than I have and has been in the training business most of the time.  But the fact of the matter is our way of riding and training is completely different. 

 

This got me thinking.... how many people do you truly trust with your horse - someone you know will ride exactly the same as you and won't confuse, stress or un-train them.  In my riding career I've ridden and hacked around with a lot of friends.  But how many would I let take Dexter for a month knowing he would come back the same horse? 

 

Four:  Carol - my old trainer, my current trainer, and Holly and Heather, my friends from childhood.  That's it.

 

Obviously my trainers, because if you can't trust them with your horse, you probably shouldn't be working with them.  Then Holly and Heather, longtime friends and amazing riders.  And being good riders isn't what it's about(like I said my friend that rode Dexter is a good rider... but very different).   Holly and Heather and I ride very much alike, with the same aides, balance and philosophy.  They live in FL and I am in CO so they haven't met Dexter yet, but as kids we used to trade horses all the time.  And apart from the horses personalities it was like riding my own.  In college Holly was training and exercising horses.  When she needed help I'd go out and ride a few for her.  She knew I wouldn't undo anything she had been working on.   And most recently, when relocating from TX to CO, I couldn't get my thoroughbred sold before my move.  I shipped him to FL so they could train and sell him.  I had no worries, in fact I was excited.  I hadn't jumped him much and knew they would put some good training on him. 

 

Holly, Heather and I have been friends long before we started riding together (they've been together slightly longer than I have being as they are twins.)  And maybe that's why I trust them so much, or maybe that's why we've stayed so close.  We are friends because we have the same personality and that's also why we ride so similarly. 

 

Watching my friend ride Dexter the other day made me realize how uniquely tuned in each horse is to their rider, and how special it is to have someone who can share that bond with your horse.  This is why as much as I would love the extra money and the extra training for Dexter I could never lease my horse.  And this is probably why there has been so much discussion as of late as to whether or not the amazing horses that competed in the most recent WEG will perform the same with their new partners. 

 

How many people would you trust with your horse?

 

Family, Horses, and Turkey…oh my!

I have taken on the task of hosting Thanksgiving this year.  Which means cramming my family in my house, teaching the dog that babies aren’t toys, pretending to learn how to cook a turkey and trying to find time to sneak away to see Dexter.  I love my family, they have always been super supportive of my riding, even when they don’t totally get it.  But they try to stay involved, when they come to visit they say they want to see the horse.  I bring them out and they watch me ride, but I know it can’t be that exciting.  Watching dressage at anything but the highest levels, even to those of us who live and dream it, can be a little boring.  So I imagine watching me go round and round in circles as we try to perfect the shoulder-fore can get a little dry.

So when I notice my dad getting more interested in the geese than the horse I try to wrap it up.   And we end up with a short slightly un-fulfilling ride.  How do I balance?  I want to ride this weekend, in fact I think it would benefit all as it would keep me from completely loosing my mind.  But how do I justify leaving my guests for 2+ hours for some “me” time.  I thought a good balance would be to invite them along, but I see now, that won’t allow me to do what I want/need to.  Which is seriously ride Dexter and work on our progress.  Instead it will be me riding a 20 meter circle stopping ever other circle to say “What?” because people forget when you are on a horse there is constant wind.   I start to feel bad as I imagine people are getting bored so I cut the ride shore before I’ve really re-centered myself.  The time I spend riding ist the time I get re-focused and re-energize.  I use it to erase all the petty thing s that happened that day (which can increase around the holidays) and direct all my energy to my equine partner.  Riding makes me a better, calmer person, but riding distracted, not so much.

I have no children, but imagine once I do this dilemma will be a daily occurrence instead of annually.  My husband is very supportive and honest about my riding.  He has no problem with the time I spend at the barn as long as I don’t drag him out there with me.  And that works for me.

So what do I do?  Seriously?  I know there are busier people out there who handle this kind of time commitment.. .what do I do?

Honestly… I’ll get over it.  I’m just having a moment of self-pity… poor Kelly can’t ride her horse for 4 days.

My parents came out yesterday and I rode as long as I could knowing it was getting colder and while I was  working up a sweat my Floridian parents were freezing. I know I’ll have to bring my brother and his wife out to meet Dexter and probably won’t ride then, just lots of pets and treats for Dexter.    I have the excuse that the barn owner is away so I at least have to come out once a day to check on him and feed him (and just sit and smell him for a minute).  Riding will probably be out, which sucks as I watch the days get shorted and colder knowing I will soon have to go weeks without.  But, I’ll live, Dexter will live and Sunday once everyone is dropped off at the airport me and Dexter have a date.  My husband will probably need a nap anyways.