Dear Dexter - Revisited

Dexter,

I just wrote a raving review about how great you are being and how patient you are with your limited rides... and now you are making me look like a liar.  Whats the deal?

I know the weather makes you feel good and you have a lot of energy built up, so I understand a little buck hear and there.  But the bolting every time we go a certain direction and the rearing you did this weekend are really unnecessary.  Can't we use the energy in a more productive way?  You look so good when you get round and elevated, lets do that (without the buck).

I really don't want to lunge you before every ride, I unfortunately don't have the time and I know you hate it.  Plus you are so out of shape by the time you get into a good rhythm on the line you are pooped.  I'm not sure what we can do but we need to figure something out that works for both of us.  I know you don't hate our rides  You seem to enjoy getting out and getting some exercise, we just need to find a way for you to blow off steam between rides.  My time with you is supposed to be fun and calming, but when I feel like I'm on a shaken can of soda ready to pop, its a little unnerving.  I'd love to half lease you out, but there just isn't anyone around interested in dressage. 

For now I will have to do my best to carve out some time during our rides and between to get you some additional exercise, sorry to say it will probably be on the lunge line.  But anytime you want to settle down and get to work you let me know.  In the mean time, I will work with the horse I have and hold on.

Dear Dexter

Dear Dexter,

Thank you for being patient while our riding time has been put on hold.  Thank you for continuing to get excited the few times I come out.  Our visits have become very special to me, even if its a few minutes to check you over and give you treats.  Somehow your soft nose and warm body have a way of grounding me.  Reminding me that even though times are stressful now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and as long as I have you, I have some serenity in my life. 

Thank you for taking care of me as we start to ride together again.  For slowing down when you feel me loose my balance, and for picking up right where you left off even if I have a long way to go.  I appreciate that you did not forget you were a working horse and never offered to buck (yet) during these first few rides. 

Thank you for keeping your canter slow even on the straight aways.  I promise we will graduate out of the small pen and into the pasture soon.  The small pen is more for me than you.  I still need the security of it.  And thank you for pushing though with me as I try to get us both back in shape.  I know you've enjoyed your time off, but I can tell you are happy to go back to work.  And I can say I am happy to be working with you again. 

I know right now with the weather, and the baby and work we dont' see each other much.  I promise as Alex gets older and the weather gets warmer we will see more of each other, to be honest not as much as we used to, but we will make it work.  We will still ride and learn and show, I won't let all our hard work, your work ethic and talent go to waste... I promise.

Back in the Saddle!

Ok, some of you may have noticed I've been gone, and some may have guessed that the reason was because the newest member of our family has arrived.  You are correct!

Introducing Alexander Louis -

He is two months old now and I feel like I am just now getting my head above water.  FYI, babies are HARD work.  I wasn't able to even think about Dexter for the first month or so.  Now things are settling in and I've gotten to ride a few times.  Dexter has picked up right where we left off, maybe even a little better.  I on the other hand have completely forgotten how to ride.  I fall all over the place.  Poor Dexter tries to keep up, he stops or slows down every time I start to loose my balance.  It makes for quite an interesting ride. 

I've finally realized I won't be able to keep up my normal routine now that I have Alex.  I was hoping to find a day care open late enough that would still allow me to ride after work.  But reality has struck and a) there are not day cares open that late, and b) I realize that won't leave me much time to spend with Alex in the evening, and before he arrived I didn't really care about that, now I do.  I'm thinking I'll have the weekends and maybe one or 2 days a week I can swing it to go out and ride, not exactly the competition schedule I was working on last year (before I got pregnant), but we will have to make it work.  I am committed to continue riding as it is the only thing that makes me feel like me. 

Dexter meeting his new little brother.

A quick work on motherhood - I mentioned a few times my trepidation with becoming a mom before Alex arrived.  I've never felt like a mom nor have I had the desire to become one.  Everyone reassured me that I would magically fall in love with him as soon as he arrived.  This was not exactly true.  It is hard to love something that demands so much and returns so little regarding emotions.  I'm not saying I hated him, but I wasn't head over heals either.  For the first 6 weeks or so he was simply "my responsibility".  It was my job to keep him alive and happy.  I had a strong deidcation to him, but no emotional attachment.Then as he started to get a personality I started to bond a little more.  Now I do love him and enjoy the time we spend together.  I still enjoy my time away as well.  I don't feel defined as a mother, I am still me, I just now have an new characteristic to add to my identity.  Not sure why I felt compelled to add this to the blog, maybe because the "non"motherly are so under represented.  Everyone seems to think once you have a child you are a mom and that's it, that's all you want to talk about.  And I want to represent those who still want to be seen as an individual, not just "Alex's mom".