Withdraws

Due to being pregnant, weather, and other life events getting in the way I haven't been able to see Dexter nearly as much as I want.  And when I do have time I usually lunge for a while then get on.  I ride until its uncomfortable, which is usually about 10-15 minutes. 

Show season is over for me so I don't have a whole lot of goals to work towards.  We were working on half halts and collection, and due to my useless abs at the moment that's not really happening, so when I do ride I don't really have an objective.

All of this is really affecting my mood.  I feel listless and useless.  It's funny how much of my self worth and self image is ingrained in my riding.  If I'm not riding, who am I?  If I'm not working towards something then what am I doing?  I've found myself lately in just an awful unpleasant mood.  I assumed it was hormones.  But the more I think about it, the last time I felt like this was when I took a 2 year hiatus from riding in college.  As soon as I started back up, I felt better.

Do I have any reason to complain?  No, there are a lot of people out there in worse situations.  Wonderful people who have wonderful horses  and for whatever reason can no longer ride, yet they find joy in just being around their animals. I strive to be like them, but for now, I just want to feel a little sad for my temporary loss.

This weekend I'm taking long line classes with my trainer (last time I tried it on my own and me and Dexter just got horrible tangled).  I'm hoping this will give us more to work on than the lunge line will.  And I can at least keep Dexter progressing if I'm at a stand still.